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As a relationship begins, a time when excitement & emotions are at an all-time high, it’s likely impossible to ever predict that the now-happy bond will gradually morph into an abusive situation. Oftentimes, signs of abuse only emerge as time goes by & continue to intensify as the relationship progresses. Since each relationship is different, domestic violence doesn’t always look the same.
When we hear the term, domestic violence, we tend to picture a battered woman at the hands of a man which makes sense since women are much more likely to experience intimate partner violence. However, reports indicate that 37% of all domestic abuse victims within the United States are men. Because we live in a world where masculinity is often equated with strength & stoicism, many male victims choose to stay silent in their abuse. From a young age, men are often taught that expressing vulnerability or asking for help is a sign of weakness.
In 2011, 23-year-old Josh Hilberling was in the midst of a tumultuous marriage that had sadly escalated to physical abuse at the hands of both partners. Although he had gone to the Domestic Violence Intervention Services for help, only one month later, his life would end in a horrifying way at the hands of his wife.
Josh Hilberling was born on May 30, 1988 in Tulsa, Oklahoma. He had three brothers & two sisters & he was raised by his dad, Patrick & his stepmom, Jeanne Hilberling. His family described him as a kind person with a witty personality who was known to put the needs of others before his own. During his time in high school, he was a star on the football team until he graduated in 2007 & went on to serve in the United States Air Force.
During a Halloween party in 2008, when Josh first met Amber Fields, he didn’t yet realize that she would not only be the woman he married, but also the mother of his child. It wasn’t until two years later in 2010 when they began dating & quickly fell madly in love.
Amber Fields was born on October 1, 1991 in Missouri to parents Rhonda & Michael Fields & at three months old, they relocated to Tulsa, Oklahoma. Her parents later divorced & each re-married; Rhonda, who was a nurse, married a plastic surgeon, Dr. Bryan Whitlock, while Michael later married a woman named Stacy. After the divorce, Amber lived with her mom & step-dad, who were not only well-known in the Tulsa area, but also very well-off.
According to her family, Amber was passionate about God, her friends & her family. She was a wonderful student who maintained a 4.0 GPA & she was very active in sports & other extracurricular activities.
After Josh finished his Air Force basic training in Texas, he was given orders to be moved to Eielson Air Force base in Fairbanks, Alaska. This put his relationship with Amber on the fast-track since in order for them to live together in the military housing, they would have to be married. In August 2010 they were married in a small courthouse ceremony until they were able to eventually have a lavish celebration at a country club.
Sadly, after Josh & Amber relocated to Alaska together in October 2010, the honeymoon phase of their relationship came to a screeching halt. They found themselves in a location that was not only bitterly cold & dark much of the time, but it was also a place where they had no support from their family or friends.
While Josh was busy with his Air Force duties, Amber felt isolated & alone in their military housing, causing their relationship to become quickly strained & volatile. It was in Alaska when Amber realized they were expecting their first child together, a baby boy they named Levi.
As the couple celebrated their first wedding anniversary, Josh had been honorably discharged from the military & they were settling back in Tulsa after spending a year in Fairbanks. At this point, Amber was 7 months pregnant & the couple moved into a unique 32-story cylindrical tower that was built in 1966, the University Club Tower. The building served as a residential highrise with gorgeous views of the Arkansas River. While they waited for their house to be finished, Josh & Amber lived in unit 2509 on the 25th floor, an apartment that her stepfather owned for his out-of-town plastic surgery patients to stay during their recovery.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011 was a scorchingly hot day in Tulsa when at about 4 pm, Nathan McGowen, a man who lived in the unit next door to Amber & Josh, began hearing the sounds of a woman’s shouts saying, No, no, no! Following these screams, he heard a loud crash & thought that it was possibly a glass coffee table or a fish tank shattering. After things became eerily quiet, he suddenly heard the shouting pick back up again when a woman screamed, Oh my God, oh my God!
However, the sounds had not been the shattering of a coffee table or a fish tank, but instead, it was Josh’s body crashing through the living room window of his 25th floor apartment. After falling 17 floors, his body landed on an eighth-floor parking garage that jutted out from the building.
When emergency calls initially came through about the incident, a witness speculated that it had been a suicide. However, this thought changed when many witnesses overheard Amber sobbing, saying she pushed Josh from the window.
When Amber was later interviewed by Dr. Phil, she indicated that she & Josh had started fighting in the days before his death because he had been planning a trip to Tennessee & other states for a concert tour with his friends, something Amber was vehemently against. Not only would he be missing Amber’s dad’s wedding, but she also feared that he was planning to sell prescription pills again. She said that this was something he had done when they were dating since he viewed it as an easy way to make money. Although she indicated that he had been getting high off & on prior to his death, the autopsy proved that there were no drugs or alcohol in his system.
The night before Josh fell to his death, Amber said that they had been up all night long arguing. When they finally woke up at about 1:30 pm on Tuesday, they immediately picked back up where they’d left off.
Sometime that afternoon, Josh called his dad & told him that he was leaving & needed a ride to his house. Since Sergeant Patrick Hilberling was working at the time, he told his son that he would need to contact a friend for a ride. When Josh talked to his friend, Brandon Morris, he told them that he & Amber had gotten into a huge argument & he needed a ride to his dad & step-mom’s. Brandon told him he would come & get him, but sadly, he hadn’t arrived in time.
The phone calls continued that afternoon when 19-year-old Amber contacted the University Club Tower’s management to request that someone fix the window that was between their bedroom & their balcony. During their argument, Josh threw a laundry which shattered their window. Two repairmen just so happened to be in the building that day, fixing another window so when they were done, they headed up to unit 2509.
When Armando Rosales & his partner arrived at their unit, he told Josh & Amber how much it would cost to fix the window. He later indicated that Josh was upset & wanted to fix it himself, but Armando advised against it. Amber said they would just pay to fix the window & while he was there, Armando said that Amber continued to come back into the bedroom a few times, looking very angry each time she did.
It was shortly after this point when the neighbor heard shouting followed by glass breaking. As Armando’s partner was inside Josh & Amber’s bedroom tending to the window, he heard a crash coming from the living room, followed by Amber’s screams.
A man named Robert Baker had been smoking a cigarette across the street on the ground floor when he suddenly saw something falling from the window & realized in horror that it was a person. Robert indicated that Josh was facing him as he fell & when his body landed on the 8th floor parking garage, he was positioned on his stomach with his face turned toward the garage railing.
Since Armando had left the unit to get supplies, he was notified that someone had fallen from the window. As he rushed back into Josh & Amber’s apartment, he looked out through the broken window when Amber suddenly ran in, shouting that she had pushed Josh through the window.
According to Armando, Amber wanted to go to her husband, but when they rode the elevator down together, he took her to the lobby rather than to the 8th floor, indicating that he felt very uneasy by her presence & wanted to get away from her.
Amber ended up riding the elevator back up to the 8th floor with another man & when she ran to Josh’s body, she turned him over. As this was happening, neighbors from their units above snapped photos of her crouched next to her husband’s body. She sobbed as she cradled Josh’s lifeless, broken body in her arms & as first responders arrived, she continued to tell them over & over that they needed to fix him while she repeatedly said that she pushed him out of the window.
Amber later indicated that she remembered Josh tripping backwards & falling through the window. She didn’t actually see him fall, but when she ran to the window, she saw his body hit the ground & she could only think of getting to him to see if he was okay. When she got to the 8th floor & rolled Josh’s body over, she cradled him in her arms, pleading with him to wake up. By the time EMTs arrived, there was nothing for them to do since Josh was already gone.
When Officer Don Holloway was told that he would be taking a highly distraught Amber to the main Tulsa police station for a statement, he assumed they were either dealing with a suicide or an accidental fall. Never once did he question the idea of a homicide. Before they left, Amber waited for her grandmother & as they rode in the back of the patrol car together, Officer Holloway could hear her say that she pushed Joshua & he fell into the window.
Once at the station, Officer Holloway escorted Amber & her grandma to an interview room to wait while he went to a nearby observation room to type up his report. At this point in time, since foul play wasn’t a consideration, Amber was not a suspect. While he was sitting in the other room, he was able to hear & see their conversation since the interrogation room had a camera.
Amber told her grandma that she & Josh had been fighting, but clarified that it wasn’t a fight-fight, but an argument. She said that Josh threw something at their bedroom window which caused it to break. As their argument continued, Josh was standing near their TV in the living room doing something when she pushed him into a wall of windows, causing him to fall to his death. She said, I pushed him & he fell into the like the candlestick things & he fell out the window.
Amber sobbed as she told her grandma that every time she closed her eyes, she could see Josh falling out the window & striking the concrete. She said she could only imagine what his final thoughts were as he fell, knowing he was going to die. She also said that his parents were right since they kept saying that if they stayed together, she was going to kill him.
It was obvious that Amber’s grandmother quickly realized that her granddaughter was making exceptionally damning statements since she told her to quit saying that she pushed Josh out of the window. She asked Amber if the push through the window had been intentional & Amber said no.
According to Josh’s parents, one month before his death, he’d gone to the Domestic Violence Intervention Services for help. Being a man who was nearly 6’5” & 220#, they indicated that it was hard for him to admit that he was a victim at the hands of his smaller, pregnant, teenage wife. Despite filing a protective order against her, Josh continued to go back to Amber for the sake of their unborn son. According to Patrick, when he spoke with his son earlier that day, Josh had been trying to leave for good & when police entered their unit, they noted he had packed a bag of belongings.
Patrick recalled that only months before his son’s death, he had urged him to leave Amber after Josh called to tell him that Amber pushed him down the basement stairs. With Josh now dead, he & Jeanne realized that Josh had been trying to leave Amber for good & acknowledged that this is the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship.
On the other hand, Rhonda, Amber’s mom, accused Josh of being the abuser. She referred to him as a drug abusing manipulator who left his wife at home to go partying at strip clubs & bars. After they moved to Alaska & tensions began to rise, police were called out to their military housing on a number of occasions due to domestic disputes as their verbal disagreements had escalated to the point that they’d become physical.
According to Rhonda, her daughter was getting slapped, kicked & thrown against the wall. During one argument on January 2, 2011, Josh knocked a plate out of Amber’s hand & attempted to pop her breast implant with his hands, something he admitted to doing after Amber filed a complaint against him.
Rhonda also said that Josh wasn’t only using drugs, but he was also dealing them, something that resulted in his discharge from the military.
Based on the statements that Amber made while she was sitting in the interrogation room with her grandmother, she was arrested that day & charged with first-degree murder. Despite her repeated statements about pushing Josh through the window, she insisted that her husband’s death had been an accident. The charge was later changed to second-degree murder.
As the investigation continued, authorities learned that the couple had a history of domestic violence resulting in protective orders. On May 11, only weeks before his death, Josh requested a protective order after Amber hit him in the head with a lamp that required 10 staples & 11 stitches to close the wound. In his report, he wrote that after she struck him with the lamp, Amber ran upstairs saying, Good, I hope it hurts. He also wrote that this hadn’t been the first time as on February 18, she also hit him & pushed him into the corner of the wall which caused his head to open. When she assaulted him on other occasions, punching him in the face, busting his lip open, he also filed reports. However, when the couple hadn’t shown up in court, the order was dismissed.
On June 22, 2011, fifteen days after Josh’s death, Amber was released from jail on a $250,000 bond & placed on house arrest with GPS monitoring. While she was out on bond, she allowed her GPS ankle monitor’s battery to die on at least ten occasions until December 1, 2011, when the judge placed her in custody citing the violation of the rules of her probation.
After less than two weeks in jail, she was allowed to be released on her original bond amount, but this time, she had additional conditions, including random urinalysis & breath tests. On multiple occasions, her UA showed that it had been diluted & on December 22 & 28, 2011, she tested positive for THC.
Two months after Josh’s death, their son, Levi Carter, was born on August 6, 2011. According to her family, in addition to caring for her son & taking classes at Rose State College, Amber continued to fight for her innocence on a daily basis.
In March 2013, a then 21-year-old Amber turned down a plea deal from the prosecution that would have sent her to prison for a mere five years. Although her lawyers urged her to consider the deal, she said that she refused to admit to something she hadn’t done.
During the trial, Amber told an entirely different story than what she had said during her recorded conversation with her grandmother in the police station only hours after her husband’s death. This time, she told the jury that she & Josh had been arguing & when she walked into the living room, he turned from the window & began walking toward her. They came together at the end of the TV that was situated about 2-3 feet from the window when Josh suddenly grabbed her shoulders with both of his hands. Trying to protect herself as well as their unborn son, she said that she pushed him In self-defense. This was when he fell into the wall between the candlesticks before stumbling back & falling out the window. This was a version of events that she had never once mentioned during her conversation with her grandmother hours after Josh died. It was also the first time the prosecution ever heard the mention of self-defense.
When jury members were shown photos of the inside of Josh & Amber’s apartment, they were able to see that the candlesticks that Amber indicated Josh had fallen into before he plummeted from the window were perfectly placed & standing upright. The rest of the apartment was also in good condition, which suggested no signs of a struggle.
Jury members heard about the numerous reports of domestic violence that started when the couple had been stationed in Alaska. They heard about the staples that Josh needed in his head after Amber struck him with a floor lamp.
According to the prosecution, while Josh waited for his friend Brandon to pick him up, Amber went on a violent rampage & the two began fighting in the bedroom. After Josh threw the laundry basket that shattered the bedroom window, the prosecution alleged that Amber realized that the windows could easily break. They believe that when Josh had been distracted by either his phone or the TV, Amber had taken him by surprise & shoved him in the direction of the living room window, knowing how easily it could break.
The defense argued that the real issue in Josh’s death had been the cheap 46-year-old windows in their high-rise building. According to a window expert who testified for the defense during the trial, the window Josh fell through was most certainly original to the building. The thickness of the glass was known in the glass industry as single strength & is used for picture frames rather than windows. Despite the two layers of glass that were separated by an airspace, they were too weak & thin to be used in windows.
The glass was also non-safety glass & had it been tempered or laminated safety glass, Josh would likely not have penetrated it. Like a car’s windshield, laminated glass is designed to hold together even if it breaks. Not to mention, because the glass had been constantly exposed to weather, it would have naturally lost strength over time which would cause it to easily break with even a moderate impact.
In the days before Josh’s death, Tulsa had been in the midst of an intense heat wave which would have caused the hot air to rise through the building’s elevator shafts & stairwells like smoke rises in a chimney. This would cause an outward pressure on the glass in the upper portions of the building. This, paired with wind gusts of up to 23 mph that day, would have been sucking the glass out, also contributing to the instability of the window.
A downstairs neighbor reported hearing a noise from above that sounded as if someone was rushing in the direction of the window, followed by the sound of crashing glass. This told prosecutors that Amber had charged at her husband, causing him to fall through the window.
The witness who had been standing outside & happened to see Josh falling from the window indicated that Josh had fallen face first. This would mean that he had been facing the window with his back to Amber rather than facing her, grabbing her shoulders with both hands, as she claimed.
The jury was able to hear the entirety of the taped video & audio recording of Amber speaking to her grandma at the police station. The prosecution believed that so soon after Josh’s death when Amber’s grief & emotion was so raw, it was then she was likely telling the truth.
The prosecution called two jailhouse witnesses to testify who indicated that Amber had laughed & joked about what she’d done to her husband, calling him a bastard, making light of his death, something Amber vehemently denied ever saying.
According to Amber’s defense team, she was the victim who had been abused by her husband through her entire pregnancy & she had no intention of causing her husband’s death. All of the first-responders from the scene testified as to how shocked & distraught Amber seemed when they arrived on scene. They also mentioned the fact that she was 5’5” & 7 months pregnant in comparison to Josh’s 6’5” height & speculated if she would have been able to push him with such force. Regardless of the fact that Josh landed face-first on the pavement 17 floors below, the medical examiner couldn’t say for certain how Josh’s body exited the window. The defense also questioned the witness’ credibility who indicated that Josh had fallen from the window face-first.
Amber told the jury that although her marriage may have started as a happy, passionate one, it soon changed when Josh became abusive. She said that on the day of her husband’s death, she finally decided to stand up for herself so she made Josh pack his bags, something that caused their fight to begin. However, Josh’s family argue that he packed his bags on his own volition because he was finally done with his marriage.
To support Amber’s claims that Josh had grabbed her shoulders before she pushed him in self-defense, the defense showed a picture that depicted red marks on her shoulders. Fearing for her safety as well as that of their unborn child, she said that she pushed against Josh’s chest & he fell backwards.
However, the Hilberling’s neighbor testified to hearing only Amber yelling as well as the sound of stomping feet which suggested that Amber was running in Josh’s direction & slamming into him.
After one week of testimony, when the jury broke for deliberation, they needed to decide if Josh’s death had been the result of an accident or a violent push. After less than three hours, they found Amber guilty of second-degree murder & recommended a 25 year prison sentence, 20 years longer than the 5 year plea deal she had previously turned down.
On April 23, 2013, Amber was sentenced to 25 years in prison with credit for the 15 months she already served. As prosecutors pointed out, this number seemed symbolic since Josh had been pushed from the 25th floor of their apartment.
In the aftermath, Josh’s parents were awarded custody of their grandson, Levi.
On October 24, 2016, about 3 ½ years into her 25 year sentence, Amber Hilberling was found unresponsive in her cell by another inmate at the Mabel Bassett Correctional Center in Tulsa. The 25-year-old was hanging from the bunk bed in her cell at 5:20 pm. Although staff provided life-saving measures, she was pronounced dead on the scene at 5:33 pm. A medical examiner confirmed that her death was a suicide by hanging while her autopsy revealed traces of meth in her system.
After Amber’s death, Josh’s family posted to Facebook, writing, We heard that Amber Hilberling hung herself in prison this evening. We know how it feels to lose a child. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. It’s something no parent should have to experience.
Meanwhile, Amber’s mother, Rhonda Whitlock, wrote her own Facebook post, I hate what this world did to you.. Go rest in the arms of Jesus.. The media, the haters, the Hilberlings got their wish. Hope they are happy. I will never stop fighting for the truth.
This is a case where no one wins; a marriage that was already volatile & unstable, suddenly ended in a moment of force & anger that could never be undone. Two sets of families are left to grieve, their lives changed forever, leaving Levi to live his life without a mom or a dad.
Domestic violence can move in both directions & control can take many forms. If you or someone you know is dealing with domestic violence, please don’t delay seeking help. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or text BEGIN to 88788.
References:
- NBC News: Dateline: Shattered, part 1
- NBC News: Dateline: Shattered, part 2
- NBC News: Dateline: Shattered, part 4
- NBC News: Dateline: Shattered, part 5
- ABC News: Josh Hilberling pushed out window, dies in alleged spousal abuse case
- ABC News Channel 8: Josh Hilberling’s family speak out about their son
- People: Woman who pushed husband out of a high-rise apartment hangs herself in prison
- The State of Oklahoma vs. Amber Michelle Hilberling
- National Domestic Violence Hotline
- Ninde Funeral & Cremations: Amber Michelle Hilberling
- Find a Grave: Joshua Blaine Hilberling
- Criminal: The sad story of Josh Hilberling – A victim of domestic violence
- Chicago Window Expert: The tragic window fall of Josh Hilberling
- The Ness Center: The unspoken reality of domestic abuse against men: Shattering the silence
- Killer Queens: Amber Hilberling
