Regardless of the circumstance, maintaining a strong & healthy marriage takes ongoing work & commitment. Marriage involving a narcissistic partner can make having a healthy, happy relationship that much more difficult. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental health condition most prevalent in men & is characterized by a grandiose sense of self-importance to the point that the needs of those around them are ignored. Oftentimes, it stems from poor self esteem & the need for control in a relationship or situation.
In certain cases, red flags might not be very obvious that signal narcissism during dating & only become more pronounced after marriage. It may be the very traits that first attracted a person to their partner, such as a strong personality, confidence & assertiveness, the same characteristics that fuel their narcissism. Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be extremely draining & confusing since the narcissistic partner can be manipulative in a gradual way.
People who show narcissism often surround others that feed their ego & they’ll build relationships to reinforce their ideas about themselves even if the relationships are superficial. Oftentimes, the partner of a narcissist will become gradually isolated from their friends through a slow, methodical process where bridges are burned & the partner struggles to keep the peace.
The partner of a narcissist may also deal with gaslighting as a form of control or manipulation which causes a person to doubt their own reality. This gradually lowers self-esteem & leads to feelings of worthlessness. The abuser might question your memories, even when you’re sure you remember it correctly. They might make your feelings or opinions seem ridiculous or unimportant & they might go as far as to flat out lie to your face. Overtime, a victim begins to question their own reality & sanity.
Dealing with a narcissistic partner can be very challenging since oftentimes they don’t recognize their behavior as an issue.
This case highlights domestic violence, manipulation & resilience & involves a partner who appeared to be a loving person, but was hiding a controlling violent side.
On New Years Eve, December 31, 2020, Morgan Metzer was spending the evening with her best friend Nicole in Canton, Georgia. The two moms planned to ring in 2021 together at Nicole’s house & enjoy a relaxing evening together while Morgan’s 8-year-old twins were spending a few days with her sister in Florida.
2020 was a challenging year for the world, but it had been especially difficult for Morgan, who was recently divorced & now parenting her son & daughter on her own. As the evening wore on, Morgan realized that she was far too exhausted to stay up until midnight & told Nicole that she was going to head home early & get to bed.
Nicole remembers giving her friend a bit of a hard time since they’d planned the evening ahead of time & she wanted to ring in the new year with Morgan, but she told her friend to text her when she got home & they would see each other the next day.
When Morgan got back to her home that was situated on a secluded piece of property, she locked up the house, engaged the security system & headed to bed. Only minutes before midnight, Morgan woke to the sound of nearby fireworks so she sat up in bed, gave her dog a new year’s kiss & quickly fell back to sleep.
It wasn’t long before Morgan woke up again & this time, she saw what she believed to be a dark figure standing in the doorway of her bedroom. Initially, she questioned if she was just imagining it or maybe her eyes were playing tricks on her, but as her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she realized in horror that she was looking at a man wearing all black as well as a mask & gloves.
As Morgan began to scream in terror, the man pounced on her in bed & began pistol-whipping her, punching her & strangling her until she was nearly unconscious. He utilized zip ties that he’d brought with him to secure Morgan’s hands behind her back & Morgan was sure that she was going to die that night. Thoughts of her children & her entire life raced through her head.
In between the beatings, the man also sexually assaulted Morgan. He rarely spoke, but when he did, it was clear that he was disguising his voice in what Morgan described as what sounded like BatMan. As he spoke in his low, gravely voice, he seemed to know things about Morgan’s personal life that a stranger would have no way of knowing. This included her recent divorce & he made mention that Morgan was going to miss her husband. She could only wonder why & how this was actually happening to her.
The intruder began ripping her bedroom drawers open while he asked Morgan where she kept her valuables. Then he demanded that she hand her phone over & give him her passcode.
Before Morgan went to bed that night, she used the security app on her phone to make sure the doors in the house were locked & the system was turned on. The app also controlled the various cameras around her expansive property. After she gave the man her phone, she heard the lock on her back door open & realized that he used the security app on her phone to do so.
Once the door was unlocked, the man placed a pillowcase over Morgan’s head & guided her out to the porch with her hands still tied behind her back while she was fully naked. Before he left he warned her not to move until she heard two honks of a car horn or he would kill her. It’s likely her screams would go unheard anyway since her nearest neighbor was a distance away.
Morgan lay trembling on the porch, sure that her attacker was lurking in the darkness watching her. She tried to focus on the sounds of the nearby stream to keep herself calm. As she lay there, unsure of how much time had passed, she began to hear the sound of footsteps in the distance. She immediately thought that the man was coming back to kill her.
As Morgan heard the distinctive creak at the top of her staircase, she suddenly heard her ex-husband’s voice say, Oh honey, what happened? Rod Metzer immediately called 911 & soon, the Cherokee Sheriff’s Office responded. During the call, Morgan could be heard crying in the background, begging Rod not to leave her alone as Rod consoled her.
As officers responded to Morgan’s home, they tried to figure out what was going on & asked Rod what prompted him to randomly go to her house at such a late hour. Rod explained that he was living in a nearby apartment since their divorce & when he was getting ready for bed, standing at the sink, bruising his teeth, he heard a knock on his window. Then he heard a voice say Morgan’s name. Rod said that he was confused so he decided to call Morgan to see if she was okay, but she didn’t answer. Since he was worried for her safety, he decided to make the twelve minute drive to her house to check on her.
Morgan & Rod first met when she was only fourteen & he was seventeen. Despite their young age, it was love at first sight. The couple were married in 2009 when Morgan was 21 & she said that Rod had always treated her like a princess. They had a gorgeous outdoor wedding, a wonderful honeymoon & moved on to enjoying their lives together.
Sadly, only eight months after they were married, Rod’s brother Kevin lost his battle with leukemia at only 19. Rod was grief-stricken & the tremendous loss took a toll on him & he turned to Morgan for comfort & support. When they discovered that they were pregnant with a boy, the obvious name choice was Kevin in honor of Rod’s brother who always dreamed of becoming an uncle.
Tragically, the couple was faced with another loss when their baby boy lived only eighteen days after he died from a heart defect. Morgan describes this horrible period of time as a complete blur. Three months later, Morgan realized she was pregnant again, this time with twins.
Morgan & Rod’s baby boy & girl were born in 2012 & as they were approaching their first birthdays, Rod lost his job & their relationship began to suffer. According to Morgan, Rod always had multiple jobs but his main source of income was working as a day trader. Just as Rod’s career began to take a major hit, Morgan’s interior design business, Shiplap & Sugar, began to boom. As her company grew, she was able to hire her best friend Nicole.
It was clear that Morgan’s success was adding to Rod’s feelings of insecurity which caused their relationship to turn toxic & soon, Rod became both mentally & physically abusive. The first time he became physical with Morgan was over Labor Day weekend when they were away at a lake cabin. During an argument, Morgan was shocked when Rod began to beat her. She immediately called her dad to come get her.
However, according to Rod, it was Morgan who was responsible for her injuries. He claimed that she became so enraged & out of control during their argument, that she flailed around to the point that she injured herself. Rod convinced Morgan & her family that he was forced to physically restrain her in order to get control of the situation.
According to Morgan, this was the start of a very dark period of time in her life when she slowly began questioning her own sanity & reality. Rod managed to convince her that she was the cause of every argument. It took time for Morgan to recognize that Rod was gaslighting her.
Gas lighting is a term that originates from a 1938 British play called, Gas Light. It’s a form of abuse where the abuser makes their victim question their own feelings, instincts & sanity. In the play, the husband gradually dims the gas lights within the home as he tries to convince his wife that she’s simply losing her grip on reality. As the abuser continuously questions their victims’ truth or accuses them of being in the wrong, the victim gradually begins to question if their abuser is right.
As time went on, Morgan also recognized that Rod’s manipulation was leading to sexual abuse. He refused to take no for an answer & was extremely forceful, something she didn’t initially see.
In 2020, Morgan made the decision to file for divorce which was finalized in December, just before her home invasion & attack.
When investigators arrived at Morgan’s home at 3 am in the early morning hours of New Year’s Day, they immediately saw red flags in Rod’s behavior. Despite the fact that they were there to help, his demeanor was very hostile.
While they spoke with Morgan, they saw just how brutal her attack had been. Her eye was black & blue & nearly swollen shut & the black zip ties remained around her wrists. The brutality she was subjected to made investigators believe that it was a crime of passion that was fueled by anger.
As Morgan began to recount the events of that night, she believed that she had only been bound on the porch with the pillowcase over her head for about fifteen to twenty minutes before Rod showed up, while in reality it was twice as long.
Soon, Morgan’s brother & father arrived at her house after she called & told them what happened. The detectives kept Rod outside while they brought Morgan inside so they could speak to each of them separately. With Rod safely out of earshot, Morgan told the detective that she believed it was Rod, who was acting as her hero, who had been her attacker that night.
When the attack first began, Morgan assumed it was a stranger inside her room, but when the man told her that she was going to miss her husband, she begged him not to hurt Rod & said that she loved him. Looking back, she’s unsure what prompted her to say that, but at that moment, she recognized that the mood immediately shifted. It was the first time she felt a shred of hope that this man was going to allow her to live.
It was the moment when her attacker helped her out of bed to guide her to the porch that she was sure it was Rod. She thought back to the end of her pregnancy with her twins when she struggled to comfortably get out of bed & Rod would often jump in to help her. The way her attacker helped her out of bed that night was exactly how Rod had. Morgan told investigators that she never let her attacker know that she was on to him, fearing what Rod might do.
Morgan told the detective that earlier that week, Rod contacted her & told her that he had pancreatic cancer. According to Rod, she was the only person he’d told so far & she immediately rushed to his side as he showed her the paperwork from his doctors. To offer him comfort & support, Morgan allowed Rod to stay the night on the sofa in her living room. He ended up sleeping on her couch the entire week & Morgan indicated that he was relentless in trying to convince her to get back together with him. However, she was absolutely firm on the fact that this was not going to happen.
On the morning of New Year’s Eve, Morgan could no longer handle his persistence & told Rod that he needed to tell his family about his diagnosis, but he refused. She told him that he could no longer stay at her house so he left, but he continued to text her throughout the day. His persistence continued as he told Morgan that he would earn enough money so that she didn’t need to worry about working anymore. During their texts, Morgan lied & told him that she was going to spend New Year’s Eve at her parent’s house & she turned her phone off to get a break from Rod’s ongoing contact.
When Morgan realized that the detectives believed what she was telling them about Rod being her attacker, she felt a tremendous sense of relief. She had lived through many years of Rod’s manipulation to the point that she began to question her own sanity.
With the information that Morgan provided, detectives turned their attention to their number one suspect, Rod Metzer.
Investigators were puzzled by the fact that Rod had just so happened to incidentally drive to Morgan’s house in the middle of the night, on a night that she just so happened to be brutally attacked. The fact that Morgan previously told him that she was planning to spend the night at her parent’s house made it all the more suspicious. When questioned, he claimed that he was only worried for Morgan’s wellbeing when he was unable to reach her.
As Rod sat on the porch, he willingly gave investigators his phone & they quickly found a hidden file of nude photos of Morgan. Based on the images, it was clear that Morgan was unaware that the photos were being taken. They also found photos of text conversations between Morgan & another man. Because this was a clear violation of privacy, Rod was taken from Morgan’s front porch in handcuffs. While he was in custody, investigators worked to secure a search warrant in hopes of finding evidence that could tie him to Morgan’s attack.
It was clear to investigators that Rod wanted to act as Morgan’s savior that night, swooping in to be by her side after her brutal attack. An attack they were sure he was responsible for. They turned to Morgan’s security system, hoping they would find evidence from her cameras that proved their theory. Unfortunately, the footage during the time of the attack had been erased, likely when Morgan’s attacker took her phone to utilize the security app to unlock the porch door. When her attacker fled from her home, he took Morgan’s phone with him & it’s never been recovered.
As investigators walked the perimeter of Morgan’s house, it was obvious her attacker gained entrance through a basement window. The sensor on the window had been manipulated which was why the alarm didn’t sound as he climbed in. Since Rod had been staying with Morgan up until New Year’s Eve, he would have had the opportunity to do this.
Footage from after Morgan’s attack was recovered that depicted Rod arriving at Morgan’s home, feigning worry for her safety. When she didn’t answer the door, he walked around the side of the house, calling out her name as he did. At that point, there was no reason for Rod to know that Morgan was outside at that time & able to hear him.
There was also footage from earlier that night when Rod stopped by to drop off a check for $56,000. He placed the check under the cushion of a chair on the porch & when Morgan came home early from Nicole’s, she was seen grabbing the check. She placed the check on the kitchen counter & went to bed, but after the attacker fled her home, the check was gone & has never been found. Investigators quickly determined that Rod did not have the funds in his accounts to cover that check & they described him as broke.
By the following day, investigators obtained a search warrant for Rod’s car & apartment. As they entered his home, they discovered a clear bag that contained back zip ties. Morgan’s attacker arrived with the zip ties pre-looped so they could be quickly placed over her wrists & tightened. One of the zip ties found in his home was a partial piece that was an exact match to what was found on Morgan’s wrists. When confronted about the zip ties, he denied any knowledge of them & said there’s something funny going on here, alluding that he was being set up.
There was a book inside Rod’s apartment that was titled 7 Ways to be Her Hero: The One Your Wife Has Been Waiting For. When his computer was searched, investigators found incriminating evidence that Rod had looked up how to change the sound of your voice, how long to choke someone unconscious, how to crack an iphone password, how to get sympathy from your ex, cancer letter from hospital.
Investigators learned that Rod had created a fake email account in order to create the fake letter from his doctor about his pancreatic cancer. He also constructed fake medical bills to prove he’d paid for his treatment. Rod was completely cancer free & only concocted the idea in hopes that Morgan would be so sympathetic that she would take him back.
Rod was charged with ten counts that included home invasion, aggravated assault, kidnapping & sexual battery. Rod’s mom was convinced of her son’s innocence & believed that investigators had made a mistake. However, the evidence only grew as time went on. When investigators scanned the UPC code on the bag of zip ties in Rod’s apartment, they learned they had been purchased at Lowe’s. They soon found footage that depicted Rod purchasing the zip ties with his debit card on December 30, a little more than 24 hours before the attack.
When security footage from Rod’s apartment was reviewed, investigators saw him coming back to his building after Morgan’s attack. He was disheveled in appearance & left four minutes later wearing different clothing & shoes at 1:24 am. As he walked out the door, he held a plastic bag which investigators never located. It’s unclear what evidence the plastic bag held but it’s likely Rod discarded it on his way back to Morgan’s.
Rod went on to agree to a plea deal & pleaded guilty to fourteen counts against him. He was given a seventy-year sentence that included twenty-five years in prison with a forty-five year probation period on his release.
During his sentencing, Morgan was given the opportunity to address Rod & she spoke of the hell that was the last four years of their marriage as she told him that he had only given her power. She felt a tremendous sense of relief as she spoke with strength & conviction.
According to Cathy, Rod’s mom, her son has not allowed her to visit him in prison, likely fearful of what she’ll have to say to him. She worries that his health is rapidly declining as he suffers from type 1 diabetes.
Meanwhile, Morgan has been seeing a therapist in order to move forward in life, raise her children & help other victims of abuse. It’s her goal to help women who have dealt or are dealing with gaslighting with a narcissistic partner.
Morgan wants others to recognize the tiny red flags that accumulate over time & can add up, piece by piece. She wants victims to be aware so that the abuser doesn’t have the chance to continue to chip away, making the issue out of control. Because abusers can be extremely sneaky & manipulative, their victims gradually begin to question every part of their reality to the point that they’re unable to differentiate what is real or true anymore.
Oftentimes a victim becomes isolated from loved ones, fearful of speaking up because of guilt or shame. The manipulation morphs into guilt so that it’s the victim who feels they have done something wrong, therefore unlikely to share, believing that they’re at fault. Morgan has made it her mission to turn her pain into something that’s powerful to help other women.
In 2024, Lifetime released, Gaslit By My Husband: The Morgan Metzer Story which is inspired by Morgan’s relationship with Rod & her brutal attack.
If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, please call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
References:
- CBS News: Georgia man who attacked, then rescued, ex-wife after violent home invasion hoped to be her hero
- Today: The true story behind the Lifetime movie ‘Gaslit By My Husband,’ according to Morgan Metzer herself
- RAINN: National Sexual Assault Hotline: Confidential 24/7 Support
- National Domestic Violence Hotline
- HealthCentral: Signs you’re married to a narcissist – and what to do about it
- Sportskeeda: 48 Hours on ID: 5 key facts about Morgan Metzer’s assault
- PsychCentral: How to identify a gaslighting narcissist
- WebMD: Narcissism: Symptoms & signs
